Fran's Meme Interview With Natalie

On August 6, one of my favorite bloggers, Blaugustine aka Natalie D’Arbeloff, posted the answers to a meme interview questions sent to her by Tamar at In and Out of Confidence. I’m not yet a "with it" blogger, so though I have repeatedly heard the Darwinian genetic term of meme, I assumed it had to do with replication. So I Googled and found out that memeticists do not not generally agree on a specific definition but one can roughly define 'meme' as any piece of information transferable from one mind to another. Examples might include thoughts, ideas, theories, practices, habits, songs, dances and moods—and even visuals like our e-mail smiley faces.

Natalie replied as herself versus her blog alter-ego Blaugustine on her interview with Tamar and I was so deeply touched by the photos and the answers to the questions, I wanted to do the meme myself and pass it on to anyone who feels like participating.

The rules of the game are as follows:

1. Include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
2. E-mail the blogger of your choice or leave a comment saying "interview me please."
3. Your chosen interviewer asks five questions of his/her choosing.
4. Update your blog/site with answers to the questions.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, ask them five questions.

Here are Natalie’s questions to Redondowriter aka Frannie:

1. What is your deepest desire?
At the age of 68, I hope I can live to be at least 100 with mind and body intact so I can see my grandchildren’s childrens children. I hope with all my heart that I can live independently, continue to learn new things to the end, and continue to make a difference in the world in some small ways. As Marianne Williamson says, "There are only one of us here," so I want to remain connected.

2. What is your deepest regret?
My deepest regret is that though my mother and I were close, that I didn’t really get to find out who she really was deep down inside before her death at 71—when I was 30. I was not mature enough to be sufficiently curious and really interested in who she was under the "my mom" layers. I was so wrapped up in raising a young family that we pretty much stayed on the surface when we did spend time together. This regret has taught me the lesson of getting to know my sisters better, though only two of them are left living now.

3. What is the most fun you've ever had and could you have it again?
Fortunately, I have a zest for life and could write for days on the fun I have had in life. It's a rare day (when I haven't been in a bad depression like when I was younger) I don't have fun, but I’ll try to narrow it down. Probably the most fun three weeks of my life was my first trip to New York City in 1998 when I took journalism students from my school for a week’s study at the Columbia University Journalism School. My co-advisor, Jim, was raised in NYC, and he showed me the city’s sites when we weren’t with the students. During this week, I also made a Thomas Merton pilgrimage to where he had lived, worked, where he was baptized and spent time in the Columbia archives reading about his years as a student there. Thomas Merton, who died in 1967, for anyone who doesn’t know, was converted to Catholicism and became a Trappist monk; he came to be known as a modern mystic. I wrote my Master’s thesis on Thomas Merton. But, with Jim, and with my students, I saw mythic and magical New York and environs from several angles I might not have as a regular tourist. Next came a week at my first Elderhostel in Londonderry, Vermont, and then a week visiting my eldest son who was living then in Burlington, VT. I rented a car those two weeks and saw a lot of Vermont, too, and like New York, I fell in love with it. I replicated that New York part of the trip five more times after that. Could I have that much fun again? I had no intention of particularly having the most fun of my life those three weeks, but I can see that the components I would have to recreate would involve learning new things, meeting new people, and feeling safe and adventuresome. I’m a little more cynical and jaded now and I don’t feel as safe as I used to and in my niggling fear, I am definitely not as adventuresome. But, hey, awareness is the first step to action.

4. Is there one incident, time and/or place when you felt fully yourself?

This is a very hard question for me, because I am blessed with so many good friends; different parts of me come out when I am with them. I have two friends named Rick and Orma, however, that leap to mind; I introduced them and they married some years ago. They are zany, curious, irreverent, loving, patient—and there is a mutual back and forth of information exchange--and all of us are irreverant and kid-like when we are together. When I am with them I do not feel a need to impress or be politically correct. I can swear, wear funny clothes, tell silly jokes, I don't feel stupid when I lose at the card games we often play. With them, it’s OK to be divorced without a man in my life; they are comfortable being with a single woman and you would be surprised how many married couples are uncomfortable being around a woman without a man. One time we were playing Rummicub at their house and laughing like maniacs and I realized how fully myself I felt. We all have nicknames for each other and tease one another unmercifully, but we unconditionally accept each other.

5. Do you have a "self" you show to others and another self only you know? If so, what's the difference between the two?

I wear several personas, hats, selves and without feeling too much guilt about not being totally authentic all the time, I’ll try to explain The Forty Faces of Fran. There is a psychological tyranny in our culture these days that tries to convince us there is only one authentic person in each of us. I think that is bullshit. Basically, even though I’ve had a lot of therapy and have long been a 12 step program user, I carry a lot of baggage about being "less than." I’m particularly hard on myself about not being smart enough, logical enough, sexy enough, or attractive enough, or--fill in the blanks. I am extremely bright and curious, very right brained, and have a tendency to multi-tasking. I like to dream stuff up, strategize it, and follow it through. In other words, I have a hard time focusing on one thing at a time and my tendency to shift gears is often criticized. I’m pretty traditional in my values, particularly as they regard family, though I'm liberal politically and spiritually. All my life I've been a people pleaser, an admitted recovering codependent, so I do have the wherewithal to adapt to situations and circumstances. I am often told by those who care for me, "Lighten up." In my professional life I work very, very hard not to offend people. Long ago, even with people I instinctively dislike, I look into their eyes and tell myself, "That’s Christ in there." I only discuss personal, spiritual and political matters with co-workers, friends, family, students and parents that I really, really trust. The rest get a pretty professional me. Mostly I’m perceived as friendly, helpful, curious, and steady—and all these things are parts of me. With my family and certain friends I’m pretty much a "warts and all" person and I’m not out to pass muster. I struggle between wanting "power" and shying away from being considered an authority. I am a paradox. The self that I show to the people I teach journal keeping to probably get the most authentic me because I feel so extremely confident about my ability to do this well. I guess the difference between all the “selves” I show to people have a lot to do with feeling safe and confident.

Thanks for listening to this long confession--and thanks, Natalie, for sending me my questions.