OK, Sacred Ordinary blog, I’m back. On May 21, 2015 I posted at my blog Sacred Ordinary and since then I haven’t gone back. I miss it—and I miss the blog walking I used to do. When I started blogging in November 2003 I vowed that it would be part of my daily spiritual writing practice and for several years it was. I poured out thoughts, posted photography, art and spiritual things that struck me. I have written 2,491 posts over this 12 year span. So, what happened?
Social media has really, really changed and it changed me. I got sidetracked with Facebook primarily, but I also use my “computer allowed” spare time for Pinterest and Polyvore and to Google stuff I don’t know about that I want to know about. I haven’t even used Polyvore for several months and I loved creating digital art there.
This summer I had a health crisis and in September I had my second surgery to remove an adenocarcinoma from my bladder. Right now I’m feeling well, almost normal, and the surgeon got good margins. I’m back to work three days a week, but my life has been forever altered. Part of my bladder was removed and that all by itself has physically and emotionally changed me. I’ve survived breast cancer twice, so I’m hoping for the best, but frequent testing is in the cards. And because of my age, I am simply not as mobile as I used to be. Traveling, for example, will be rethought because of some new limitations. I am, however, filled to overflowing with gratitude for each day, far moreso than I have ever been.
I’m really second-guessing how I want to spend the time I have left, I guess. It’s a process of discernment. I am blessed with a great family and lots of friends so I have many opportunities to meet and mingle. I also feel very strongly about giving back through community service. But—and this is a big but—I find myself preferring being home alone reading or doing art, or streaming movies vs. being the human doing I have been until recently.
I’m even very unsure about whether I want to continue my part-time job; I have so loved it until recently but the climate has changed and I have not changed enough, and I'm not sure I want to. Am I really benefiting anybody anymore with this use of my time? I already resigned from two non-profit Boards this past year, even before I got sick, because there was more minutiae and politics going on than I was comfortable with.
All I know is that today I wanted to post to Sacred Ordinary and to officially announce to anyone who might trip across this post that I have entered yet again another period of discernment. I’m going to start examining what I really love doing, what I dislike doing, and making changes in my life. I am just so blessed to have had the great life I’ve had—and I’m planning on making my life even more meaningful.