REDONDOWRITER'S SACRED ORDINARY

SoulCollage® Card: A Shaky Trust

This SoulCollage® card describes where I am on this journey called life right now. I could put it in the Council suit as one of the muses, but I'm putting it in Committee and calling it Trust. My secondary title would be "Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway." 

I am the one who has throughout life had issues with trust and abandonment. Even at this august age of 74, with lots of experience under my belt, these issues raise their ugly heads when there is no logical reason to do so. I am the one who finds herself once again in a life transition. I am the one who knows that my professional part-time work is nearing its end for a variety of reasons and that I have to let go with confidence and trust. My work has given me purpose as I love it so and adore the people I work with. Also, I am the one who grew up in poverty and continue to maintain poverty consciousness in spite of being financially stable. I like to earn money, even if it is only a little bit. It falsely affirms me. I am the one who is single  in late life and totally in charge of my present and my future--to the extent any of us can be that. My Higher Power protects me and keeps me safe, but I have a lot of problems remembering that. I'm the one who is feeling the fear of change when it comes, but stepping out, albeit very tentatively, into what tomorrow and next year will bring. I am also the one who has begun to realize I'm not 50 anymore and can no longer accomplish as vigorously all the things I used to. And, I am the one who knows that though life did not turn out as I had planned, it has actually turned out better than I ever expected. Paradox!

A question for this card? Please reveal to me the many options that will still be available to me whether I work professionally, as a volunteer--or simply being a writer, artist and computer nut. Remind me of all the ways I can continue to feel purposeful without employment and continue to have the oomph to show up every day in a meaningful way to myself and others. 

Amaria SoulCollage® Card for Haiku My Heart Friday

Mi Amaria

Wisdom guide, muse, cornerstone,

Who sees so clearly.

This SoulCollage® card in the Council suit depicts my more than 30-year wisdom guide who often journeys with me when I journal. Amaria first came to me in the early 1980s as I wrote next to a creek at a favorite place of mine, La Casa de Maria in Montecito.  She told me her name and she has been with me ever since.

I have made several images of her in SoulCollage® and art, but none ever really depicted her as I saw her in my mind’s eye. By the creek she came to me in what appeared to be coarse, brown monk’s robe with her face only partially exposed. In the National Intensive Journal work of Ira Progoff,which I’ve used since the mid-1970s and that I taught for many years, there is a section called Inner Wisdom Dialogue.

That’s usually where I would turn when life was rocky and I had big decisions to make. Her divine feminine voice is strong and gentle,  low and a bit husky. She was a crucial companion when my marriage came unraveled and ended. She was a rock during both my breast cancer treatments.  She often visited when my grandkids lived with me in high school. She has never been a form of God to me, just someone to bring me strength, a pilgrim with me on the journey. By making SoulCollage® cards for her, she draws out feelings I don’t even know I’m hiding. She becomes even more tangible than when she speaks to me in the journal. She is a clarifier.

In the language of SoulCollage®, I am the one who often feels alone, a kind of orphan. I am fearful and tend to hide in the ruts of routine. I am the child-like one who needs a mystical mother, a loving sister, an affirmer of my femininity. I am the one who is often reminded by Amaria that it’s safe sometimes to be alone. She puts her steadying hand on my back and sometimes even holds my hand, ever reminding me that I just feel alone, but I never am. I am the one who is reminded by her to start each day with intention and to look for the sacred in the ordinary. “Amaria,” I say to her, “I am the one who will carve out time this weekend  to spend with you—not for comfort so much, but to say thank you for giving me such blessed support which I've largely taken for granted. You are pure gift."

A question I could pose to her? Not a question exactly, but certainly a request at another of life's intersections.  "Amaria, please remind me of past ways you’ve taught me to be comfortable and safe on my journey and show me even more ways to live with intention and gratitude at this stage in my life. I am so forgetful." 

Thanks to Rebecca at Recuerda mi Corazon for hosting all of us at Haiku my Heart Friday. This image came from Google images an was attributed to Buddy the Buddha of Missississipi, but when I asked for permission to use it, he said the universe provided it and to feel free to display it publicly. 

 

 

Haiku My Heart Friday: Mary's House at Ephesus, Turkey

Ephesus, Turkey

Stairs near the house of Mary,

Unforgettable.

 There were countless memorable moments during the pilgrimage I went on four years ago to Turkey and Greece, but one that is burned in my memory was visiting the House of the Virgin Mary near Ephesus. There are many stories about this house, but I liked the one at Sacred Destinations best. 

"According to predominant Christian tradition, Mary was brought to Ephesus by the Apostle John after the Resurrection of Christ and lived out her days there. This is based mainly on the traditional belief that John came to Ephesus (see St. John's Basilica) combined with the biblical statement that Jesus consigned her to John's care (John 19:26-27).

Archaeologists who have examined the building identified as the House of the Virgin believe most of the building dates from the 6th or 7th century. But its foundations are much older and may well date from the 1st century AD, the time of Mary. This site had long been a place of pilgrimage for local Orthodox Christians.

The modern history of the Virgin Mary's House is unusual. It was "discovered" in 1812 by a German nun, Sister Anne Catherine Emmerich, who never traveled away from her home.

Sister Emmerich, an invalid confined to bed, awoke in a trance with the stigmata and visions that included the Virgin Mary and Apostle John traveling from Jerusalem to Ephesus. She described Mary's house in detail, which was recorded at her bedside by a writer named Brentano.

Emmerich described a rectangular stone house, which John had built for Mary. It had a fireplace and an apse and a round back wall. The room next to the apse was Mary's bedroom, which had a spring running into it.

The German nun went on to say that the Virgin Mary died at the age of 64 and was buried in a cave near her house. When her coffin was opened soon after, however, the coffin and burial shroud were empty. The house was then turned into a chapel.

Years after Emmerich's visions, a French clergyman named Gouyet read Brentano's account and traveled to Ephesus to find the House of the Virgin. He found a house matching the nun's description and sent word to the bishops of Paris and Rome, but didn't receive much of a response.

On June 27, 1891, two Lazarist preists and two Catholic officials set out to Ephesus to see the house. They found a small chapel in ruins with a damaged statue of the Virgin.

They returned to Izmir with their report, and more priests and specialists were sent out to the site. Since 1892 the House of the Virgin has been a Catholic pilgrimage site. It was restored by 1897 and a shelter for visitors was set up.

The Meryama was later visited by Popes Paul VI and John Paul II, who confirmed its appropriateness as a place of pilgrimage. On November 29, 2006, Pope Benedict XVI celebrated mass here."

 

Compiling a List of Spiritual Teachers and Images on Pinterest

I'll admit that I have become a fan of Pinterest, although I limit my time there to no more than 15 minutes per day. Now that I have my taxes ready for the accountant, I might just allow myself a little more time this weekend. Why, you ask? Just because, I answer. Though I have a wide circle of friends and family who stay in touch as best they can given their busy lives, I'm basically a solitary person. The escape into the Internet periodically is a form of reward--along with long escapes into reading books. The art has suffered greatly in the last few weeks. Somehow I've been able to rationalize that, since I don't play any kind of games on the Internet, time spent there is to enhance my knowledge base. Ha!

But, there are positives, too. On Pinterest I created a board I call Spirituality but so far I mostly have placed images of some of the writers, theologians, and spiritual teachers who have influenced me. Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson is one of those teachers. 

If you are not familiar with Gene Robinson, I read this interesting article about him at American Progress tonight. Since the late Thomas Merton is another of my influential teachers from earlier years, I often wonder if he would have become more liberal as he grew older. As with politics, I am also drawn to liberal religions and contemplative spirituality. 

I was also doing a little research on the former Catholic priest Matthew Fox of creation spirituality and was really taken back by a blog by a Catholic priest Fr. Z, or John Zuhlsdorf (slavishly accurate liturgical translations & frank commentary on Catholic issues ) where he criticizes Fox. Supposedly Fox is now an Episcopal priest, and I'll admit that he has gotten pretty extreme. But Fr. Z. obviously does NOT believe in the way Gene Robinson does.  

Ah, politics and religion, we should never discuss them, right? But spirituality and religion are among my personal top interests. I just rarely voice them here. I'm not sure anyone even really reads here anymore, but if anything will bring people out of the woodwork, this post might. 

Is Social Media Confirming We Really Exist?

In the novel 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami some dialogue between writer Tengo and novice writer Fuka-Eri jumped out at me last night and got me thinking.

Tengo said, "When I'm writing a story, I use words to transform the surrounding scene into something more natural for me. In other words, I reconstruct it. That way, I can confirm without a doubt that this person known as 'me' exists in the world." "You confirm that you exist" Fuka-Eri said. 

Confirming that I exist is one of the prime reasons I have kept lifelong handwritten journals, although I only understood that about ten years ago. Though my perceived invisibility has falsely dogged me my entire life, writing is how I’ve kept track of my life. And all of a sudden I realize that that is probably why I also create art journal pages and collages and belong to listservs, keep a blog, and am active on several social media sites. I post, therefore I am.

Boredom is supposedly the primary reason all of us are so enmeshed in social media, and in my own case it sometimes is that. For some of us it is a way to escape the ho-humness of life. Also, all my posts to various social media sites prove that I must not be invisible after all. Or am I spread so thin that I’ve become transparent?

Perhaps there is an international tide of self-absorption with where the Internet and electronics have taken us. But maybe it’s just the struggle to prove we actually exist and aren’t a figment of our own imagination. On the other hand, though I have had formal education through a master’s degree, I have probably learned more on the Internet in the past 15 years than I have learned in schools and universities. The Internet has become an incredibly powerful tool in education and commerce, devoid of social media.

The novel 1Q84 is about living in parallel universes and through social media, I’ve realized I live in parallel universes, too. There is my “real” life and the limitations of time and my physical body, and there is social media where I have a second existence—new friends, reconnection to people in my “real” life in a new way. And then there’s the spiritual aspect of how we all connect—the synchronicity of how, out of millions and millions of people, we cross each other’s paths and our lives are enriched.

I began using the Internet in the early 1990s in the workplace. But at home I got a dial-up modem and joined The Well in San Francisco, considered the birthplace of social media. I joined some of the communities and a whole new world opened up. Meantime, at work, everything began to explode with the introduction of the Internet. Next, I tried AOL at home and it was there I often went into chat rooms of like-minded folks. I never use chat rooms anymore. Meanwhile, at work, we were constantly being trained about the power of computers and the Internet. The head librarian and I attended our first Internet workshop in Taos, NM on community networking in 1995. By then, in my personal life, I belonged to a listserv of journal keepers and writers and I still belong today; that group of people are my family in that parallel universe. Since I've now met most of them, we relate in two universes. In 1998, I was given the task of creating my school’s first website along with another teacher and the students wrote all the code. I knew so little about what we were doing. Personally, I put up Sacred Ordinary blog in 2003 and by then I was following several other bloggers. Four years ago I volunteered to launch a Peninsula Friends of the Library blog and maintain it. And then a few years back, I joined Facebook and that’s where social media began to explode again. Now I use too many sites, all of them cross-linked to Facebook, and electronic chaos is beginning to make me anxious.

Fortunately, I have not allowed my personal Internet activities to encroach on my need to work, to volunteer, to make art, or read “real” books. I’ve been resistant to reading books on my iPad but it is a rare day I don’t read for at least an hour out of a tangible book. But, what has fallen away is following the blogs of other people I have followed faithfully for so many years. And I feel sad about that. In the meantime, ongoing arguments about the pros and cons of social media rage. Are we all becoming electronic schizophrenics? 

As of now, I limit myself to approximately one hour per day on the Internet for personal pleasure. At least half of my time the three days I work for money are spent on the computer, and about a quarter of that time on the Internet.

Out of curiosity, tell me about your own experiences on the Internet and specifically using social media. Has it enriched your life or has it fractured it? I have come to no conclusions about my parallel universes except that I know that moderation is a key to living well. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revisiting John McQuiston's "Always We Begin Again: The Benedictine Way of Living"

This past Sunday at my Education for Ministry class, my material was on monasticism and mystery, topics which are at the heart of who I am. I brought along a small, dog-eared book to share that I have used since early 2000 called “Always We Begin Again: The Benedictine Way of Living” by John McQuiston II.

 

I have written about this book before, but I’ve gotten lax and haven’t been using it the past few years. Now it's front and center again in my own daily practice. Each time I actually do begin again in this book, I write the date inside and what inspired me to begin again. 

McQuiston, a busy attorney looking for balance in his daily life, found the key in the Rule of Saint Benedict. He wrote it for people in every day life and I can’t begin to recommend this book enough. It fits in my purse and I originally bought it while on retreat at Weston Monastery in Vermont. If you check the link, you’ll get PDFs of some of the pages in the book. I've given this book as a gift many times, but no one seems to cherish it the way I do. 

Googling McQuiston, I found a site I haven’t been aware of before: Explore Spirituality, and I quickly bookmarked it.

Ultimately I clicked a link called What’s Your spiritual type?, as if I hadn't known for most of my adult life. If you click the link,  you can take a test there that I found actually quite accurate as to my type: Seeker.

If you feel inclined, take the test and let me know which spiritual type you are. Yeah, yeah. I know. Hardly science, but it was a good endeavor on a night when I’m so tired I just want to get into bed and delve back into Jeffrey Eugenides’ “Middlesex.” A little playing on the computer is sometimes a good way to wind down. I recently finished Eugenides current best seller, “The Marriage Plot,” and now I want to read everything he has written.

 

Postcards from Paradise: Thinking Again About Thomas Merton

Because the late mystic Trappist monk Thomas Merton has played such an important role in my life in earlier times, I write about him periodically here. When I sat down to post to Rebecca's Postcards from Paradise Sunday, Merton was on my mind. This is my favorite quote of his from "Love of Solitude, Part II, 'Thoughts in Solitude.'" 

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

This is a favorite photo of him in the fields at Gethsemane Abbey where he lived in community until his death at the age of 57. (Credit: Sybille Akers)

His autobiography "The Seven Storey Mountain" was my introduction to Merton decades back. I own all the books he wrote and periodically watch the fine documentaries that have been produced about him. PBS’s Soul Searching: The Journey of Thomas Merton is one of the best; I highly recommend it. I did my M.A. thesis on Merton: Dialogues With Thomas Merton. Once, when I was traveling with students to Columbia University for a summer journalism program, I was given access to the materials about him in Columbia’s archives—and I made a mini pilgrimage that week to the places he had lived and frequented.

So, out of sight is definitely not out of mind where Thomas Merton is concerned. Monk, mystic, artist, author, poet, photographer. His all-too-human life has long been inspirational to me personally. 

 

 

 

 

Thomas Merton in the fields near the Abbey of Gethsemani. 

 

Musings on Jesus's Call to the Fishermen of Galilee - and the Story's Relevance Today

 

When my friend Mary Lou and I went on our pilgrimage trip to Israel last February, one of the things we did--as most Christian tourists do--was go on a fishing boat on the Sea (really a lake) of Galilee. Highly touristy, I'll admit, but also highly meaningful to me personally. This young man gave a demonstration of what it would have been like to cast the nets some 2,000 years ago. He was also a docent, of sorts, and even taught us to do some Israeli folk dances. 

The readings at church today were about Jesus calling some local fishermen to follow him; he would make them fishers of people. Those of us who are Christians know this story practically by heart. Our rector at Christ Church Redondo Beach, Bob Cornner, preached powerfully on this story in his sermon today and our hour on the waters of the Galilee came vividly to mind. Then my friend Ann Markle, rector of St. Raphael's in Crossville, TN sent me a copy of her deeply meaningful sermon on fishers of men. If you click on her site later this week, her sermon will be posted. 

Each week I try to incorporate the readings at church and in my EfM class into the relevance of my every day life. It always makes me smile when the secular press helps and this recent article in The Huffington Post helped with today's readings. 

Rainy World - A SoulCollage® Card

Yesterday my girlfriends and I gathered for our monthly SoulCollage® day and it was very rainy driving over and all day long it rained. Just try to remember that this is sunny California. As we all sat around Mary Lou's big dining room table chatting about our lives (we have a check-in for each person as we work), I kept gazing out the window at her beautiful yard, remembering how much we need rain and how beneficial it is. But, I am one of those people who has a hard time with winter, even though winters in Southern California are mild. Though we were primarily creating cards for Christmas and what it means to us, this card practically made itself. 

 

I am the one who internally becomes chilled physically and emotionally when the weather turns cold and rainy and it gets dark really early. Much as I love Washington state where one of my sons and a sister live, I could not thrive there because of the rain and darkness for months on end. Though I have never been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, I assume I might be affected by the lack of light. I am the one who, as a kid, however, loved rain where I grew up in Sunland, CA. I especially loved walking home from school where leaping into puddles and floating leaf boats in the gutters was exhilarating. Now I am the one who hibernates as much as she can when it is cold and rainy, but works hard on getting out among 'em and shifting attitudes when I become too gloomy and homebound. I take comfort in recalling "Singing in the Rain" and walking home with my girlfriends Dannie and Claudia, three umbrellas across, making as much mess as we could. Then this image created itself and I took great joy in thinking about the fact that around the planet there are whole groups of folks under umbrellas and I envision a Broadway production of "Singing in the Rain" and I'm one of the dancers. 

If I could ask this card a question, it might be, "Help me to recall all my rainy day pleasant memories and record them in my journals or in my art so I can better understand why weather affects me so deeply. 

This card would be in my Committee suit under Rainy World Me or it could be a Council card helping me to see that there is Spirit there even when I am uncomfortable. By the way, I have a nasty head cold and I swear that half the people in my school have colds, pneumonia or bronchitis, too. 

Perhaps the card answered me yesterday but I just figured it out today. Driving home at 4 p.m., I saw a huge, overarching rainbow over Torrance, CA.

A Virgin a Day Post #12 - At Home With Our Lady

I went to YouTube to find an 1812 Overture finale to post with my final images, but couldn't find a suitable one, but I am listening to it as I post. It has been such an Advent journey to participate in Rebecca's A Virgin a Day meme in 2011. It is my second year and it has deepened my Christmas experience. I am very, very tired tonight, so my last entry will feature some of my own art, art I own, and my Guadalupe altar at home. 

I built this altar on my nightstand today to celebrate the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe tomorrow. I made the box with Our Lady and next to it is a yard plaque I purchased in Old Town San Diego four years ago. The Hummel madonna was my dear mother-in-law Mary's but a few years ago the lady who helps me clean house broke her halo and her head fell off while she was dusting. I've glued it back and embellished the cracks with flowers--and I put her away on housecleaning day. I was not raised in a Catholic home, though I converted at 21 so I was shocked to find the embroidered Our Lady of Fatima card in my mom's belongings after her death. The carved wooden statue from Thailand was given to me by a friend and her arms got broken. I glued them back and embellished again with flowers. She wears an Episcopal rosary my friend Gail made. The black mantilla was the one I wore as a young wife and mom to mass every Sunday. Three of my rosaries are displayed. I've picked one of the Rosary Lady's rosaries out and sent a note to one of my sons knowing he will buy it for Christmas for me.

I made this mixed media assemblage at a workshop of Michael deMeng's at Idyllwild Arts two summers ago. Everything is recycled and the sacred heart box was part of an altar my youngest son once gave me long ago. I dedicate this to Noelle because I created the Mary here as Palestinian. The scapular was given to me by my mother-in-law Mary. 

I bought these two icons in Turkey when I made a Greek/Turkey pilgrimage tour three years ago. They hang with my parents wedding photo and a mixed media collage I made of my mom. If you don't know the story of the Turkish evil eye, which is on the bottom at the right, this site explains it well. My friend Kathy brought me back one several years ago and that's when this symbol came on my radar screen. 

And this is a piece I call Our Lady of Longing. I use this face repeatedly in my work. I think we are all born with a God-longing whether we practice religion or not. 

And, so, again, thank you, Rebecca, and thanks to all of you on our journey. You have enriched my life.