REDONDOWRITER'S SACRED ORDINARY

Rootbound as Metaphor

This afternoon I sadly prepared my winter garden for the set of storms due in beginning tomorrow. I spent hours in a place that brings me great peace--and an uncanny ability to focus. This old dracena, which had been potted more than 10 years, had tipped over and I started to trim it back. Then I realized it was probably not worth "saving," and carried it to the front lawn for the gardeners to take. When I unpotted it, I realized the reason it had been such a rangey, sickly plant: it was severely rootbound.

Even plants can be teachers in their metaphorical lessons. I guess, in retrospect, instead of complaining that I'm getting older and less lively, maybe I'm also rootbound. Tomorrow I will see if I can salvage some of the plant and plant it directly into the ground. Now--I don't want to be salvaged and planted directly in the ground versus a pot, even though Costco now has a large display of coffins by the mattress and patio displays. But, tomorrow, as I harvest this year's journals, I will explore a little about the fact that perhaps, along with aging, maybe part of slowing and achiness of late has to do with the fact that my roots are impacted.

All my patio furniture is now covered in blue plastic, all of Christmas inside and out, except for the tree, is removed and ready for boxing. All my leggy plants have been pruned and my antique white wicker fainting couch is stored on the protected porch.

Another symbol I found today was a tiny bird's nest when I took a giant, old creeping charlie out of its hanging planter. It must have been home to a hummingbird. I brought it in the house and put it on my altar as a reminder that I am nesting--or hibernating--for the winter days ahead.

Don't you just love how -- if you are listening and watching -- how God speaks to us?

The Words Came With a Tune

It is believed that St. Augustine was the one who said, "He Who Sings Prays Twice." This is me singing Proud Mary tonight at the top of my lungs with a radial blur! I had forgotten how happy I get when singing very loud--and dancing, too. Needless to say, Anthony isn't here tonight because it would scare him to see his grandma acting like a not-grandma.

In the beginning, after all, were the words, and they came with a tune. That was how the world was made, how the void was divided, how the lands and the stars and the dreams and the little gods and the animals, how all of them came into the world.

They were sung.

The great beasts were sung into existence, after the Singer had done with the planets and the hills and the trees and the oceans and the lesser beasts. The cliffs that bound existence were sung, and the hunting grounds, and the dark.

Songs remain. They last. The right song can turn an emperor into a laughingstock, can bring down dynasties. A song can last long after the events and the people in it are dust and dreams and gone. That's the power of songs.

--From Neil Gaiman's "Anansi Boys."

Lisa's Lines DuJour: Welcome to the Blogosphere

Lisa Shumicky, who sends out the premier journal snail mail newsletter called A Capacious Redux, now has a blog at Lisa's Lines DuJour. Welcome to the blogosphere, Lisa. Check her out! I first met Lisa on a journal keeper's listserv from the mid-'90s called ScribeTribe, which I am told still exists, and she was always our topics-dujour expert. That was a wonderful list for writers in the old days--and maybe it still is. I have to admit that it's rare for me not to be able to find something to write about--here, or in my handwritten journals.

In A Capacious Redux's final issue of the year Lisa asks the following year-end questions--and gives us her answers.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Lisa said she mastered her bicycle's gears. I took out a home equity line of credit to make it possible for me to fix up my townhouse, and I'm a seriously frugal person.

2. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Lisa said she finished one of two classes left in her Public Library Administration program. More confidence in myself as the surrogate parent/grandparent of 17-year-old Anthony.

3. What do you wish you'd done more of in 2005?
Lisa said her hubby Bill was very ill with walking pneumonia for five summer weeks which limited their ability to do things they like to do, but says she was there "in sickness and health." I wish I had traveled more this year, but financially and emotionally, I pretty much stayed in California, Nevada and environs.

4. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory?
Lisa mentions being on vacation the last week in October in Virginia when Hurricane Wilma hit the coast and they ended up being snowed in. I recall two: April 30 when my granddaughter was in a serious auto accident only one day after she moved out (life-changing event for her, but she's OK)--and Oct. 19, my 50th high school reunion in Laughlin, NV.

5. What was the best book you read?
Lisa said John Fowles' "Journals" (Vol. I-1949-165) and I say Lisa See's "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan," although I read about three books a month, and most of them were good.

5. What was the best thing you bought?
Lisa said a log-splitter (she lives on Long Island) and I "bought" a three day SoulCollage facilitators workshop in Santa Cruz in late September--again, astounding for this frugal woman.

6. What did you want and get?
Lisa said more bookcases for her living room--and I say triumphantly a new downstairs bathroom for my townhouse.

7. What did you want and not get?
Lisa wanted the $7,989.50 Penguin 1,082 title Classic library--and I wanted a Sunbeam electric throw--which I haven't even been able to find one of that isn't in a Christmas pattern.

So, how about you?

Switching to Little Pilgrim Mode

My shitty mood began to lift today, hooray! I fell asleep last night with a mantra of waking up in a happier mood, but I'm reading a troubling (at least to me) book called "Never Let Go," by Kazuro Ishiguro. The story's plot wove its way through my dreams. I awoke recalling that today was a "change" day and laid in bed another half hour letting thoughts float, offering gratitude, and praying for people and circumstances that appeared on the screen of my mind. I rarely take time to do this even though I know how important it is for me to do.

Next I made lists of things "to do," "people to call," and "little things to get" when I went out on a short escape shopping foray. When I get in these moods, structured time is a must—and I didn't want to go to my workplace where it is easy to structure. I also loaned my car in early afternoon to my granddaughter and she and my grandson made a several hour field trip to the mall, went out to dinner, and then to see Harry Potter. It was a nice break we all took from each other. Then I called a new Soul Collage friend and we are meeting on Friday a.m. at a local coffee house to share cards and catch up on each other’s lives since the facilitator’s training in September. I also called a woman I really liked when I tried out the Red Hat Society three years ago. She was one of the people who floated through my mind this morning when I first woke up. A widow, she has met a nice man and she encouraged me to attend a Red Hat meeting again in January. Sure, what the hell. I need to meet some new people. I was still working full-time and then some and maybe my life circumstances will make this group more appealing to me this time.

I also took Cookie on a vigorous one-hour walk at sunset, pretty rare these days, and then prepared to pay bills and watch DVDs. NOT! The kids had apparently changed the television to play games, so instead of getting riled up, I asked my young neighbor Mike to check it out for me. And, of course, he fixed it in a heartbeat—and I used him as Lucy, Shrink 5 cents. Remember that from the Charlie Brown days? Hey, Mike, I owe you one! I watched a delightful movie called "Eat a Bowl of Tea: A Taste of Life in America," and followed it up with a documentary on the Buena Vista Social Club.

Now I’m folding laundry and have decided to Ishiguro’s "Never Let Me Go" until I'm feeling perkier. I greatly admire Ishiguro’s work, but the timing isn’t right to finish this book right now, but it sure goes against my grain to give up. While at the library, I got Ko Un’s "Little Pilgrim,"published by Parallax Press. It was this jacket blurb that caught my heart: "From Korea’s most revered author comes the tale of a small boy's quest for enlightenment. Loosely following the last chapter of the Avatamsaka sutra, "Little Pilgrim" relates the heroic journey of Sudhana, who sets out on a grand adventure. Along the way, he encounters fifty-three teachers — including men, women, children, animals, and heavenly beings — as he travels mountains, valleys, deserts, and forests in his search for truth."

I definitely need some enlightenment, some new teachings, and a sense of interconnectedness. Have any of you read this?

Christmas Hangover Minus Alcohol

Mind gunk. Swirls of dark fog clouding my brain. Sadness, mourning, picking up the pieces, hibernation, lurking, smurking, laughing, tears running down my cheeks, boxing things up, a Goodwill drop off of unwanted life stuff. Tears jammed in my throat. Letting Christmas go; letting expectations go; letting old memories go. Getting rid of to make way for the new. Each day, a new beginning, my mantra.

Garage and Mind Cleaning Aftermath of Holiday

Christmas was great. I cooked a huge breakfast--and thanks to my nephew Ted for his incredible apple bacon, we had enough to cook two big family breakfasts this week. We did the usual stuff--fireplace, lights, Christmas music on the stereo, which was quickly replaced by the sports fans wanting to watch something else on TV. Our gift giving was short and sweet since we had done part of that last week, but I received a beautiful silver and amethyst pendant which my daughter and the kids' dad had made for me--and Christy got an amethyst pendant and a ring. All the jewelry was made from a piece of amethyst that meant a great deal to my daughter. We ate, ate and ate some more, napped, and at 3:30 I started dinner with it being a team effort with my grandkids' dad, whom you've all heard me call my third son. Everyone helped with the table setting, clean-up, etc. We had roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy, steamed broccoli, rolls, a vegetable platter, homemade apple sauce, stuffed mushrooms, and my granddaughter's favorite ambrosia salad. Everybody was too full for dessert and so here sits a Dutch apple pie, a pumpkin pie, two loaves of homemade banana bread, a tray of homemade brownies, and whipped cream all ready to plop on whatever.

Another very unique gift I received today from my grandkids uncle, which ordinarily I would summarily dismiss as being a little too campy, is, in actuality, gorgeous--and a surprisingly mesmerizing icon for meditation. This photo doesn't do it justice, but it's a slab of heavy crystal with Our Lady of Guadalupe somehow carved inside. She sits on a rotating pedestal with fiber optic lights flashing from the base as she turns. It throws rainbow splashes against the white walls. Another very unique gift was a book that my friend's Kathy and Allen had made by an Internet publisher featuring their spectacular photos from a several month trip this year to Alaska.

I just took Cookie out for a walk and all the energy I burst with during the day has deflated like an old helium balloon. We've got to get a good night's rest because of the best present of all is that the kid's dad, the kids, and I are going to tackle a major clean-up of my garage. I am storing a lot of stuff for my 30 and 40 something children, my grandkids, and my late parents, stepmother, and two sisters. I'm one of those kinds of people who has a hard time getting rid of family stuff, but I'm looking forward to it being the first step toward some life simpification. It's that time of year to get rid of the old to bring in the new--literally and symbolically.

Though weary tonight, I am grateful for the abundance I have to share my home and table with many people--including my granddaughter's boyfriend for the first time. Everything just keeps changing! I feel especially blessed to be motivated to write in this blog, part of my daily spiritual practice, to have the wherewithal to own the equipment to do it, the smarts to figure out how it all works--and that many mostly kind people come here to read. My own family isn't big on hearing my stories as I wasn't when I was young, I suppose; the repetitiveness can be maddening. But, here I tell the stories, boring, mundane, ordinary--not trying to dramatize and I get enough feedback to know that though I'm the type of person who feels lonely in a crowd, some of you do listen. Blessings to all of you who read here. You enrich my life in ways I can't even explain.

Lighten Up, Move On Mother Deer

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to lighten up and move on past the holiday frenzy I self-created out of some genetic throw-back. My friends Rick and Orma are just as zany as I am so I got these bobble head Santa and Mrs. Claus in the after-Christmas sales last year and inserted their photos in the face space. I delivered them today--and needless to say, they loved them.

This is what they look like when they aren't in their bobble head mode. Quite a handsome couple who are funnier than any other couple I know. They are a classic example of "When I Am Old I Will Wear Purple."

In turn, they gave me an out-of-print book that makes me howl each time I turn the page. It's called "Mother" with photographs by Judy Olausen of her 74-year-old mom in all kinds of whacky poses. I will cherish this book always; it's my kind of stuff. Snort, snort--that's me laughing in a not very ladylike way.

This photo from "Mother" is called "Mother Deer," and it reminds me that we never do hear much about Rudolph's mom. Lordy, I love this book. I'll post "Mother Under Pressure" another time--showing her walking up a staircase with a boulder strapped to her back. That's how I've felt the past two weeks.

But, now I'm envisioning myself as a kid again on the pogo stick my parents gave me. Those and my stilts were also incredible presents!

A Little of This and That

It is very foggy tonight and the mournful horn in the harbor calls out to warn ships not to crash into the rocks before they head in to the marina. The surf has been incredibly high all week and people line up on the Esplanade to watch and photograph the waves crashing; not a surfer is in sight in my area. A friend of mine got swept off the bike path in El Segundo a few days ago when a wave crashed over the breakwater. She's all bruised up, but is OK.

As for me, I've been holed up the entire day in front of the Christmas tree getting the Christmas cards done--and I did. So, now that it is nearly Christmas eve, I'm ready except for grocery shopping to fill in what I didn't get at Costco. There will just be seven of us on Christmas day--hanging out more than anything. No pressure really. Now I can begin to quietly go within and let the memories of Christmas past, and the real meaning of the season, seep in so I can write them in my journal.

My eldest son and I worked again tonight finetuning the web cams. It is so amazing to me to simply be there with him, Laura and the dog, in the room I actually sleep in when I visit them. He said a few weeks ago it snowed and he actually ice skated on Lake Dawn, but that it has warmed up again now.

I watched Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory tonight and tomorrow night I'll watch It's A Wonderful Life. I'll probably even go to Mass tomorrow night; I feel like getting a liturgical fix like I always did in the good old days.

Though I received several holiday cybercards, my friend Kathy's was adorable, being the dog lover that I am. Cookie and I invite you to have a Merry Little Christmas. Now it's back to the same old, same old--thank heavens!

Technology Enriches Family Life

As I write this entry tonight, my new iSight camera is pointed at me--a gift from my eldest son and his wife. My grandson and son just worked together on the phone and we have everything hooked up. I don't get it yet, but just downloaded a multi-page PDF that will explain it all--except I hate reading directions. I did just get to see my son, Laura who is expecting, and their dog Elowa whom I'd never seen before. On Christmas day, when we get the bugs worked out, we'll have a little video conference with whoever is around. I noted that I am not a spring chicken and that my son needed a shave. Does this mean I have to clean my bedroom where my computer lives before we can talk on Saturday? It was so funny--we put both dogs on camera and they were staring at each other, I swear!

When I think how much the world has changed thanks to technology, it boggles my mind. No, it googles my mind. Debates rage around us about technology pulling families apart, but this little camera sure will make our family seem connected this year in a way we haven't been before.

Questions to Help You Wind Down the Year

It's getting time to psychologically bring 2005 to closure. Most serious journal keepers that I know use some year-end time to do what we call "harvesting journals." For this purpose, you pick a few hours of quiet time and you gather your journals around you. If you keep an online journal, I suppose you would plop yourself down in front of our computer with the intention of reading back what you wrote this year. I personally try to do this activity on the 30th or 31st and like I do when I write, I would light a candle and place an object nearby that signifies for me that God and my guides/angels have gathered with me. I would probably play some nice meditative music, like Deuter's Nada Himalaya. As I read, I jot down a few notes and later I write what is called "Now the Open Moment" in Ira Progoff's National Intensive Journal. This is my blessing to self, written in the first person, for the year that has passed and the year yet to come.

When my friend Paula at Apprentice of Wonder recently wrote 50 questions designed to synopsize your year, I saved them--partly for you and partly for me. I will personally answer these a few at a time over the next days as 2005 wanes, and maybe you would like to tackle them, too. If you didn't keep journals to harvest, these questions will give you the same results.

What are your resolutions/good intentions for the New Year?
What happened in your life that you never expected to happen?
What is one thing you did that you have never done before?
What were your biggest achievements?
What were your biggest challenges?
What is your biggest regret?
When were you happiest?
Who was your best friend?
Who surprised you this year? In what way?
Who did you admire most this year?
Who were you in love with?
What was the most important lesson you learned?
What was your favorite TV show?
What was your favorite film?
What was your favorite book?
What was your favorite food?
What was your favorite song?
What were your favorite phrases?
What did you do for your Birthday?
Which was your favorite Holiday?
What was the best gift you gave?
What was the best gift you received?
What did someone say to you that surprised you?
What was your hobby?
What new discoveries did you make?
What was your guilty pleasure for the year?
What did you do on an average day?
What was your fashion like?
What was your career/job like?
Did you make more/less/same amount than the previous year?
What new skills did you learn this year?
What do you think was your most valuable contribution?
What lesson(s) did you learn about yourself?
What were the most significant events of the past year?
What were you afraid of?
What was your most memorable journey?
Which did you do more of? Smile or cry?
Did you make any new friends?
Did you lose any old friends?
Did you have any births/deaths in your family?
Did you fall in love/out of love?
What is your newest tech item?
What was your most extravagant purchase?
What should you have done more of?
What should you have done less of?
What made the biggest difference in your life?
What gave you joy?
What made you sad?
What is your motto for the year?