REDONDOWRITER'S SACRED ORDINARY

Aging as the Master Work of Wisdom

My flight was delayed more than an hour leaving Las Vegas yesterday due to storms hovering over the desert. It was one of the bumpier rides I've had in my travels, but the Jet Blue pilot kept us informed so though my heart was pounding now and then, I never felt unsafe. The late Long Beach arrival put me in the L.A. commute traffic, but I was so GLAD to be home. As Rumi says, "Kneel and kiss the ground."

My dog Cookie bounded to the door to meet me and both of us were overjoyed to see each other. One of my nieces stayed with Cookie and I'm happy to report that the medication the vet ordered for the incontinence has worked. Yay and double yay!

This is my 81-year-old sister Virginia and me, of course, right before my nephew brought me to the Las Vegas airport yesterday. She had definitely slowed down since I saw her last two years ago and it made me aware of how important it is, while I am mobile myself, to make more effort to see my sisters more often. Neither Betty or Virginia will travel on a plane anymore so the visiting is up to me. And, though I feel the fear and do it anyway, I am not so eager to hop on a plane anymore because of the all airport hassle--and then missing my own home and surroundings so much after a short while.

It is so interesting to observe my older relatives and friends and see the vast differences in how they cope with aging. My two late sisters became extremely reclusive and fear-filled, though both of them had serious illnesses in their final years. Virginia, who was always "out there among 'em" is largely homebound now, though if I lived there, I know I'd get her out more. Betty, on the other hand, whose health is more precarious, has become even more active at 83 than she ever was before. After her husband's death in May, she joined a grief group and has made many new like-minded friends. Tomorrow I meet my friend Mae, 81, for lunch and she is such a livewire. All of my older friends are my teachers in the art of aging.

This quote by Henri Amiel in 1874 seems apropos tonight: “To know how to grow old is the master-work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living." And I say, we learn how to do it from each other.

Enchanted With Cirque de Soleil's Vegas Version of Mystere

Cirque de Soleil's Mystere at Treasure Island in Las Vegas, which I saw last night, was absolutely the best of the three Cirques that I have seen. It is described as a mystical, primordial extravaganza celebrating the human condition. With a show room built for it, the sets, lighting and all the multiple action going on down stage and in the air transported me to a world I have not been in for a very long time. My nephew Jim, my sister's youngest son, who is the same age as my oldest son, (he's also one of my Godsons) got seats for the two of in aisle three from the stage, near center. You could see every muscle ripple on the extraordinary performers, their body hair, make-up and incredible costumes; I actually felt like I was participating. I realized at some point that I had a grin on my face throughout the show, even in between the ohs and ahs My favorite was the "hand to hand" routine of two men who stood atop a rotating dome, with a remarkable display of sheer strength and endurance go through gravity-defying body positions.

The entertainment critics say that Mystere should be "upgraded" as it has played since 1993, but as for me, it was one of the most exciting evenings I've had in a long time.

Afterwards Jim took me over to the Venetian , which I had seen before, and we headed toward the Bellagio where the outdoor fountain show was playing. At that point, we decided we didn't want to deal anymore with the traffic. I say haughtily sometimes that I've outgrown Vegas, the adult Disneyland of the U.S., but I realize I'm just playing the age card. The showroom was smoke free and I was utterly enchanted. The new construction going on on the strip is mind-boggling, including one complex which is purported to cost $7 billion. Can you even imagine?

Tonight we have a family dinner with others at a restaurant, but if Jim gets home from work early enough, we'll visit Red Rocks, the newer hotel and casino in NW Vegas where my sister lives. I don't gamble much but each of these hotels are like architectural museums in their own right.

My sis and I have spent a lot of time together with me driving her to appointments and to go shopping. She has absolutely no interest in the strip or shows, but she didn't even when she was younger. She has slowed down far more than my sis Betty, even though she is "only" 81. It saddens me, but she chooses how she wants to live her life and is quite reclusive. My two sisters who have passed on were also the same way, so I can only I just keep this zest I have to continue being with people as much as I can, and seeing and doing things I haven't done before. I can't change her, but I can certainly let her be my teacher. I close this post with an extreme attitude of gratitude.

In Bed in Las Vegas With A Borrowed Laptop

I can remember more exciting days in the Vegas of my youth when there was more in bed with me than a laptop, but that was then and this is is now. My nephew picked me up at McCarran Field at 8:30 p.m. and off we went to the Summerlin area where my sister lives. I had not seen her since ours sister's funeral 2 1/2 years ago; Virginia is 81 now and she has such a marked resemblance to our mom in later years.

You could see the lightning flashing across the sky from the airplane's window and the lights of Vegas spreading across endless miles. My first trip here was with my girlfriends Dannie and Claudia after high school graduation in 1955. Dannie's mom lived here then. The town was so small then and now it has become a destination for people around the world. It just isn't the same--free drinks then if you gambled even the cheap slots and buffets for buck. We saw Nat King Cole perform and he actually came by our table and chatted and we were sweet young things. Remember that, Dannie? It was the first time I had too much too drink; I was such a prude! My first airplane ride was from Vegas to Burbank--and the pilots actually let me sit in the cockpit while they showed me how everything worked. Can you even imagine that today? Dannie's first wedding was right here in a Vegas wedding chapel. Bugsy Siegel's town was was a place I went to countless times a young unmarried woman, and with my husband and kids on our way to Utah to camp.  After I was divorced, I came here with significant others and for conferences and business and once met my cousin from Colorado here where my Super Bowl party crash adventure took place. A story for another day.

My sis has lots of things planned for us in the next few days and I came specifically to spend time with her. Her eyesight is failing and we'll do errands, shop, eat and things sisters do.

Back to school today and the vet prescribed something called PPA and I sure hope this helps with Cookie's incontinence. Thanks to all of you who offered suggestions and your stories, too.

Catching Up: Movies, Mystere, and Incontinent Cookie

This has been a week of catching up, getting the carpets cleaned, furniture moved (I love to move furniture), and preparing for a large mailing for a private client. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched movies while I stuffed, labeled, and applied postage. Friday night I watched The Last Mimsy and last night I watched Sweet Land and American Chai.

If you haven’t seen Sweet Land, a Sundance winner in 2005, I highly recommend it. It is the story of a German mail order bride sent to Southern Minnesota during WW I, only to find that her farmer husband-to-be cannot marry her because the community is suspicious of Germans. They work the farm together and in the process, fall deeply in love with one another. I was enchanted by this film and am always looking for these indy films which portray the plight of being human, but ultimately tell wisdom stories about life. If you have indy favorites, pass your suggestions on.

Tomorrow morning I return to work for a series of meetings, but in the early evening I’m flying to Las Vegas to visit my sister Virginia and her family for three days. This is my last hurrah of summer. On Tuesday night my nephew and I will go to Treasure Island for Cirque du Soleil’s Mystere. I will accompany her to her opthamalogist the following morning which gives her a sense of comfort. All my sisters, including me, have glaucoma and so did my dad; very genetic. She is having the most trouble with her eyes, however. The next evening there is a family get-together for everyone living in and around Las Vegas. It has been so mild weather-wise in the South Bay this summer, but my sis warns me it has been around 107 degrees in the daytime.

Now, I need some canine incontinence advice as my poor Cookie is having a hard time holding her pee while she is asleep. She does not have a UTI, the vet says, but I am watching her for excessive thirst since diabetes could be a factor. Because she is a house dog, this current problem is more mine than hers, I guess. Cookie has not slept on my bed for more than a year, preferring her own bed on the floor since I'm in a double instead of the king size she loved. But, ever since I returned from Washington she follows me like a shadow and guess what? If I’m in bed, she wants to be on the bed--and she melts my heart. I have an old bedspread I’m using now, as well as a plastic pad, to protect me and the rest of the linens as best I can. Cookie, a stray who I gave a home to in 1996 when she was probably a year old, is nearing 12 now and like her momma (me), age plays havoc with bladders. She was hit by a car before I adopted her and has always had a slight problem with urine leaking from kidney bruising. I’ve had my own bladder repaired, but I’m hoping the doc can prescribe something like Detrol L.A.—and that the problem, although annoying and sad, is simply old age and not something awful. I did find this link for a homeopathic remedy, Natural Canine, but I know I have to have the vet check other possibilities first. I have been a dog person all my life and as Cookie has begun to slow down, I realize we are growing old together. In dog years I guess she is in her 80s although the vet says this Australian cattle dog mixed breed can be long-lived dogs. At 70, I'm banking on good odds for myself, too. I have house guests who are watching over Cookie in my absence, but my absence seems to be more distressing to her than it used to be. So, any suggestions? Now, if I were still married, would I have my hubby sleep in another room if he were incontinent? Probably not, and where Cookie is concerned, who is my life partner after all, definitely not!

Belated August Soul Collage Calendar

I returned from Washington last night and I was utterly exhausted--and remained really energy-depleted throughout the day. Did I let that stop me from rearranging the furniture in my television room in prep for the carpet cleaning tomorrow morning. No!

It occurred to me tonight, that even though the month of August is almost over, I had not posted my August SoulCollage calendar page. So, here it is:

This is what the Mystical Worldwide Web says about the month of August:

Once known as ‘Sextilis’, August was the sixth month of the Roman year (from March). The month was then given the name of ‘Augustus’ in 8 BC, later changed to ‘August’ and is said to derive from honouring the Roman Emperor ‘Augustus Caesar’. As part of the seasonal calendar August is the time of the ‘Corn Moon’ according to Pagan beliefs and the period described as the ‘Moon of the Black Cherries’ or ‘Moon when the Cherries Turn Black’ by Black Elk (Black Elk Speaks, Neihardt).

August has historically been considered to be a lucky month. This is the first month of ‘Lammas’ (August - October), commencing on August 1, a time of harvest before the winter onset of ‘Samhain’ (beginning in November). The first day of August was a date for the Druid festival of ‘Lughnasadh’, dedicated to the ‘God Lug’ with celebratory dances which evidence suggests reflected the everyday activities such as cutting the corn, ploughing and weaving. The baking of bread, on August 1, made from the first flour after the first harvest, was used in the ‘Hlaef-mas’, made into the ‘Mass loaf’ as a central part of the Druid ceremonies.
From the fields, the hedges to the orchards everyone would be involved and busy. A vast array of foods would be brought in, and as Lammas progressed to a close both the Celtic and pagan year would end with thanksgiving ceremonies to the God Bel, the earth goddess for the fruitfulness of the land. Luke of the four gospels, his symbol being the haloed calf, is associated with the period of Lammas.

As part of the astrological calendar, August has many associations. This is the month of the house of Leo (July 23 - August 23) and the house of Virgo (24 August - September 22). Leo is the fifth sign of the zodiac symbolised by the ‘Lion’, the ‘King of beasts’, the ‘Great Light’ and the ‘Nemean Lion of Argolis’ (this is the lion that only Hercules could defeat as the first of his twelve labours). Since ancient times the lion has been associated with fatherhood, religion and kingship. The mystical symbol of the Sun is also strongly connected with Leo representing primal life carrying the seed of life in its centre.

Mixed Emotions About Leaving Port Angeles

It's rare these days that I travel somewhere and I'm not ready to come home when the time comes. This time my feelings are so dual. It is very hard to leave my little grandson who is shown here being a log drummer. Now 16 months, I'm not sure when I'll see him again--6 months at least and they change so fast when they are so young. That's definitely the downside of having loved ones too far away to visit often, or vice versa.

I'm so blessed, however, to have my other four grandkids within a few miles. It is somehow magical to be with a baby this young around the clock--for four days. My daughter-in-law has been home during my whole visit although my son has had to work off and on so we haven't seen as much of him. But, since Joe is my first baby, seeing him with his son, who is the spitting image of him, literally, floods me with memories of being a young mother myself.

Today we took a walk in the rain, played together for hours inside and outside, and late this afternoon we all went to the Pt. Angeles playground, and then out to dinner. I even figured out how to do short movies on my camera this afternoon so I'll be able to see images of him often. I also have a webcam so will see him occasionally in that fashion.

But, another part of me is really ready to go home. I don't enjoy driving a lot in places I'm unfamiliar with when I'm alone so I'm very ambivalent about my 3 hour drive to Seattle. But, I'm excited to see dear Cookie, my other grandkids--and I always love sleeping in my own bed and using my own shower. How do you feel about traveling?

In the Peace of Wild Things

A favorite poem of mine is Wendell Berry's "In the Peace of Wild Things" and when I took this photo yesterday of my daughter-in-law and my grandson looking out to sea, with the family dog Elowa completing the trinity, this poem sprang into my mind.

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

— Wendell Berry

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at the beach at Port Angeles as the sun was shining there though their home in the forest was wreathed in the clouds. We walked and walked, Zach threw lots of little stones in the ocean and Elowa actually went swimming. The last time I was here I had a very hard time walking the dog--she is big and headstrong. Now she wears a gentle lead when my DIL or someone like me walks her. What a huge difference that makes.

My life here in Port Angeles, without television, and pretty continuous rain, really shifts into moment-to-moment living. I spend a lot of time playing with my grandson, reading and because there is wireless internet connection, I horse around in cyberspace a while each day.

The Olympic Peninsula of Washington state is a wondrous place. If you have never been here, I strongly recommend a vacation here someday. My daughter-in-law says they are so grateful to be able to live and work in a place of such beauty. The area is far from a major city, but the area is growing with more and more amenities.

Pigs in Heaven--and in Port Angeles

Barbara Kingsolver's 1993 book title "Pigs in Heaven" came from an old Cherokee story. To the Cherokee, the stars that form the Pleiades are the Six Pigs in Heaven. Long ago, there were six lazy, ungrateful boys who whined that their mothers were treating them like pigs. The boys complained to the spirits, and the spirits sided with the mothers, turning the boys into pigs. In a panic, the pigs run around so fast that they rise into heaven.

This long-suffering pig mother was dozing when we went through the animal barns at the Clallam County Fair this afternoon. You see one baby pig here, but to your right are 14 more. Can you even imagine? So, what star formation has 15 pigs? Hmm. The babies were born on August 15.

My grandson Zachary, and the rest of us, were mesmerized by the animals, the myriad of activities, the countless food booths, and displays. Though Zach adored the farm animals, he liked the dog pavilion best. He also was utterly spellbound when Joe took us through an outdoor display of antique motors, washing machines, and equipment, all of it chugging away and sometimes belching smoke. I saw a Maytag wringer washing machine just like the one my mom had when I was little.

Zach and I have really bonded quickly, but he's an exceptionally good-natured and social baby. Something my daughter-in-law and son do, in addition to words themselves, is use sign language for basic things like hungry, more, and thank you. They told me that this is becoming common now with many parents because babies apparently understand the signing quickly.

I was in Port Angeles and Victoria at the exact same time last year--and the weather was spectacular. Earlier in the week the weather was 90 degrees in Tumwater, but it began showering yesterday on the Olympic Peninsula and the sun has gone into hiding. I had to borrow a heavy jacket and socks just to go to the fair, to my great surprise.

Things are tranquil and beautiful at Lake Dawn in spite of the rain. The sun just set and all the trees and greenery are reflected in the lake. Zach is asleep and Elowa, the malamute mix dog, lays vigilantly before the door, protecting me while I babysit tonight--and also hoping against hope that her owners will bound back home any minute.

What a special time this is for grandma Fran.

Grandma Fran and Baby Zachary

This is my youngest grandson Zachary, 16-months, with proud grandma standing by watching him eat with unabashed zest and joy. I had not seen him since Thanksgiving and he's a little boy now, walking all over and saying lots of words. Outside you can see all the greenery of the lake and forest above Port Angeles, where my son, daughter-in-law and Zach live with Elowa, the dog, and Preggers the cat. Zach is a miniature of his dad at that age, though he has his mom's eyes.

I drove in this afternoon from Tumwater and stopped to sightsee in Port Townsend. It is so good to see my family. I'm so grateful that I arrived here--again--safe and sound. Though my sis has long lived in Washington, my son has only been up here about four years. What a spectacular state this is; I don't think I'd do well with the rain, but the summers are spectacular!

Tracking Tidbits in Tumwater, WA

Here I am in Uncommon Ground, a new Tumwater coffee house just a mile from my sister Betty's house where I am staying. This is my first internet access since arriving in Washington on Tuesday. She is having her hair done, so I'm foot loose and fancy free for a few hours. The weather has been hot until today. It rained lightly driving over here and the sky is clouded. But, before today the view of Mt. Rainier was absolutely breathtaking.

Some of you may recall that I had considered starting a second blog about aging when I turned 70 a week ago and then decided I was having trouble being faithful to one blog. Being here in Tumwater with my sis is like being in a laboratory for healthy aging. I have always believed we need good role models for aging and she is definitely that. She lost her husband in early May after a long, very debiliating illness. The last 10 years were mostly about taking care of John as he declined. Betty is 83 and she is definitely in a grief period, but she is social and still drives during daylight hours. She is attending two grief groups (which would not necessarily be her thing), but she is meeting even more new people and finding ways to talk about where she is in her life now. She lives in a senior community so she has many friends her age, is in charge of the park's eat-out weekly group--and is now the editor of the monthly newsletter.

My sister uses a walker and is very stooped from a botched back surgery and now osteoporosis. Like all my sisters, she has the most beautiful peaches and cream skin, but her face now is a roadmap for the years she has lived. She moves very slowly--but she moves and is motivated to be "out there among 'em."

Yesterday she suggested a trip to the Centralia outlet mall; I'm not much of a shopper, but I just want to spend every minute I can with her doing whatever we do. We both bought things we didn't need, but they were such a bargain. The big scare of the day came when we were at the VF outlet and I went to pay only to find my wallet missing. I had a moment of panic, but retraced my steps and talked to their manager. No one had turned it in. Damn, all my money, credit cards--and the precious CDL which I need for the plane, although I carry my passport in my laptop case. I had last used my wallet at Dress Barn so the VF manager called there--and they had it. My heart soared. Back we drove to there and they got it out of the vault totally intact--I burst into tears of relief. I am sloppy about my wallet and it has reminded me of being more aware--and also to keep my purse zipped.

My sis loves to watch TV at night and delights in watching DVDs. She had rented two films I hadn't seen and thoroughly enjoyed--Broken Trail with Robert Duvall and Wild Horses with Jane Seymour. It would never have occured to me to watch either, so I'm looking forward to seeing what she picks out for tonight. She bought a huge high def TV as her old TV totally gave out--literally a day after John's death in May. He watched that TV around the clock when he was still conscious. I have never really watched a TV like this and the clarity is incredible.

This afternoon she wants to go to the casino that she and John used to go to before he got too sick to go. I'm not a big casino fan, but I'm just so delighted that she is excited to go. Tonight I said I would treat her to dinner at her favorite restaurant--Falls Terrace, on the river where the old Olympia Brewery used to be. I can remember in the old days hiking with her on the trail surrounding the brewery. Her hiking days are long over and mine have certainly diminished, but being with so many older people this week, I am extremely grateful for the wonderful mobility I do have.

Tomorrow afternoon I'll start heading toward Port Angeles to spend time with my son, his wife and baby Zachary who I haven't seen since Thanksgiving. I'll probably stop in Port Townsend on the way as I just love a few of the shops there on the main street. Washington in the summer is such a beautiful place to be.

One thing I have found is that though I am accustomed to simply wandering whenever and wherever I want when I am on vacation, time is too precious with my sister. I have wanted to call a few friends while I was here, but I would feel guilty diluting my short visit with Betty. Another thing about aging is that you know that time is all that much more precious than it was when you are young.

Another nice side effect of being at my sister's home is that I sleep deeply and long. I am an insomniac but I must feel very safe with her. Though my own home is often filled with people (my great-niece and my nephew are there now watching Cookie for me), visiting my sister Betty reconnects me with my primal need to be part of my childhood family. Do any of you feel that way when you visit family?