It is so odd to be longing so much for my mother right now as she died at 71 in 1967. I am 73-years-old and she, more than my father or ex-husband, is coming to me in dreams almost every night. My dad and ex are also strong dream characters for me, however.
In years past my longing for my mom after her death came more often when I was either ill or very emotionally challenged. I'd have to say that as far as I know I am as healthy as I've been in a long while, knock on wood, and very few "things" or "people" that used to be emotional triggers still are.
A superstitious me wonders if I am being prepped for the meeting we will one day have after my death, but all I can say is that I have no sense that I'm going anywhere anytime soon--except up to Washington in the summer. But who knows?
All the disasters the planet and its people are currently experiencing have definitely played into my mother nostalgia, I'm sure. Life is so impermanent. One minute you are there and then you aren't. My heart breaks for families who are split because of these tragedies. They are termed natural disasters but nothing feels very natural about them when you are personally affected. And then is the constant bombardment of all the wars and violence on the planet. On some level I must feel very unsafe and in need of my mom, who would save me if she could.
The week before mother's day I was inundated with dreams and longings and that had a lot to do with our flower ritual at church when I was a kid. My mom was a superb grower of all flowers, but she especially loved her roses. On mother's day we would both wear one red rose which signified our mom's were living. Others wore white roses because their mom's had died. Next year I will buy a white rose to wear in her memory.
Of my two remaining sisters, Virginia, 85, has been in the hospital--again--and in rehab--again; she has now returned to her assisted living facility, but she was like my surrogate mom and I feel so sad about how her life, thanks to the Parkinsons, has narrowed so. On the other hand, I'm grateful her late husband planned so well with a very comprehensive long-term care policy.
My 87-year-old sister Betty moved today into a senior living facility in her home in Tumwater, WA. The last several months of lung cancer treatment, then a gall bladder surgery, and a TIA, has made her feel she is no longer safe at home. She is very open about the difficulty in making this decision was as she is fiercely independent. Largely she had a good and productive life, but I'm very sad--and I have to admit that I hate it when I project what will come of me.
All this plays into my current nostalgia for my own mom. So, when photographing a student art show this afternoon with my old Olympus digital cam, which I rarely use, I decided to visit a few of our many rose gardens on this campus. Here are three of them.
Days of wine and roses laugh and run away, like a child at play. -- Johnny Mercer.
Most of all the other beautiful things in life come by twos and threes, by dozens and hundreds. Plenty of roses, stars, sunsets, rainbows, brothers and sisters, aunts and cousins, but only one mother in the whole world. -- Kate D. Wiggins
Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you. -- Richard Brinsley Sheridan
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